Monday, 24 March 2014

About Me

HOLA!

So, I suppose it seems a given that my first post will include a little bit about myself (in a deep kind of way), even though I'm almost certain this may seem an extensive insight into my life - especially when one considers I was, and still am, the girl that goes OVER word counts (excessively).

And with that, here goes nothing. Howdy...my name is Jess, and at present I spend my life between work and uni, trying to reach that point in your life - which I suppose will inevitably come - where you have that piece of paper (in my case, a law/journalism degree), a resumè (which for the modern students includes a tonne of internships, bar work, and some quirky job title), and hopefully a future job career perspective that matches every dream in life ever imagined. Yet, to the many of you that may class me as a little naïve; to that I say a big "tsk" and remind you of the over quoted, ever-tumblr'd quote: "anything is possible."

You see, to me, life has always been about looking ahead... not back... although it's unlikely for any rationally thinking human to not move forward without first seeing, or working on, what got them where they are in the first place. Since leaving school, my ambition has been one thing: sports law. Being a skirt-wearing, blonde, surrounded by player contracts, the odd newsworthy scandal and judiciary trials gains no more than my absolute attention... yet to a lot of people, this warrants the same response: what type of girl ARE you? The answer to your question (which, might I add borderlines sexism- even though I hate those feminist rants) is I'm an opinionated, FOXsports loving addict who still loves to wear my mac Rebel and Pink Pearl Pop lippy's on the regular, and who enjoys MK watches, also. Now, this weird - dare I call it - obsession has probably been fostered by the love, and involvement in my boyfriends passion of rugby league, but I would - at least, in some aspect - like to credit such to my own participation on the touch field, and being around the whole sporty community that sprouts in the southern gold coast.

Now, I am - of course - completely aware that life, itself, has stepping stones. Little aspects that you must either hurdle over, enjoy, or run from. Through my early life, the biggest one was learning to take a step back and let my Mum be a Mum (you see, growing up in a single parent household almost instilled an over-bearing, lead-hungry characteristic in me - and bare in mind that was at only around 3-7 years of age). Wasn't I a tough nut to crack! Then, as I grew into my tweens, it was the whole high school transition, and meeting new friends from a totally different demographic than  I was used to phase (believe it or not, each 'end' of the Gold Coast encompasses very altered representations of what it is to be a 'person'). During high school, and the latter parts that is, the biggest stepping stone was learning that it is okay not to be there first person someone thinks about, but to instead be the last. This is of course, almost cryptic I suppose, but to put it simply, I had to learn to make an impression in a different way than having the name I thought I had created for myself. I had to instead step out of the shadows and not into the limelight... I had to work for what I achieved, without any endorsements... yet that didn't - and still hasn't - been mastered to its entirety.

Come university (my first year, that is), the biggest stone I had to leap was learning to fail. I failed my first subject by 1% and in 20 minutes made the decision to forgo a scholarship, pack-up the private university life, and re-enter the world where driving a barina is acceptable, and so is wearing sports girl and ASOS in stead of donning my Louis Vuitton. Bare in mind though, the stereotypes aren't all real. I loved everyone I met at my past uni, they were fabulous... I was just the outcast - and in my head, that was unbearable. The thing I guess that was so hard, was returning to somewhere where it was clear I hadn't matched up to my high expectations on myself. I cried for days, left work early on numerous occasions because the emotional wreck was so hard, and most importantly, I eventually realised no one would really care, but myself. That part too, I am still trying to keep solidified in my over-judgmental mind.

Now, I am somewhere where I feel I am sort of happy. You know, the kind of happy where you smile at things, love where you are professionally in life, but still see other things that you wish you could 'tweak' - and yes, I said tweak, not twerk - at the flick of a button. For me, it's the whole social aspect of my life. Academically, I'm fine. I'm comfortable in the classroom to step up and say "no, your opinion is entirely wrong." The thing I'm not comfortable with however is stepping up in the "real world" and saying I WAS WRONG or I'M SORRY... or the biggest one for me: HEY, LETS HANG OUT (without our boyfriends, and the comfort of a bottle of sav blanc). You know, being at my past uni, I found comfort wrapped in the arms of my delectable boy of 3.5 years, and used him somewhat like a scape goat. I had one best friend who I would run to - and still do - but everything else was almost deathly lonesome. That's where I'm at now, I suppose. Upon reflection, my goal, is to overlook this lonely stone, and in stead jump it, and find a more sociable, comfortable Jess... the one (for those of you who knew me) was around when I was fifteen... hello Audio Mayhem days (just joking Kurt, I love you).

And so I sign off like this. I'm sorry if I ever snubbed you off. If my methods were not always governed by the madness you appreciated, or, to some people in particular, if the Chinese art of 'whispers' harmed something I valued far more than I predicted at the time...

So, here's to the new me. The one still, utterly devoted and loving to my darling K, yet the one whose comfortable enough to step out of his shadows, and regain the girl I lost during my lonely times at my past uni, and the 'scardey cat' ways of 2013.

Welcome to my blog.
This is ME (in some a la camp rock type of way)

Jx

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